I have an addiction and I am not alone
A recent study indicated that Yarn and thread gives off certain Pheromones that actually hypnotize women and cause them to purchase unreasonable amounts.
When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the Pheromones (in the yarn) cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome (similar to the one squirrels have before the onset ofwinter i.e. storing food), therefore perpetuating their species, andnot having a population loss due to their kind being cut into pieces and mixed with others.
Sound tests have also revealed that these yarns emit a very high-pitched sound, heard only by a select few, a breed of women known as "knitters". When played backwards on an LP, the sounds are heard as chants, "buy me, knit me, and wind me into a ball ".
In order to overcome the so called "feeding frenzy effect"that these yarns cause, one must wear a face mask when entering astorage facility and use ear plugs to avoid being pulled into their grip. (One must laugh, however, at the sight of customers in a yarnstore, with WW2 army gas masks and headphones!). Studies have also indicated that aliens have inhabited the earth, helping to spread the effects that these yarns have on the human population. They are called "YARN STORE CLERKS".
It's also been experienced that these same Pheromones cause apathological need to hide these yarn purchases when taken home (or at least blend them into the existing stash), and when asked by significant other if the yarn is new, the reply is "I've had it for a while."
Author Unknown
When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the Pheromones (in the yarn) cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome (similar to the one squirrels have before the onset ofwinter i.e. storing food), therefore perpetuating their species, andnot having a population loss due to their kind being cut into pieces and mixed with others.
Sound tests have also revealed that these yarns emit a very high-pitched sound, heard only by a select few, a breed of women known as "knitters". When played backwards on an LP, the sounds are heard as chants, "buy me, knit me, and wind me into a ball ".
In order to overcome the so called "feeding frenzy effect"that these yarns cause, one must wear a face mask when entering astorage facility and use ear plugs to avoid being pulled into their grip. (One must laugh, however, at the sight of customers in a yarnstore, with WW2 army gas masks and headphones!). Studies have also indicated that aliens have inhabited the earth, helping to spread the effects that these yarns have on the human population. They are called "YARN STORE CLERKS".
It's also been experienced that these same Pheromones cause apathological need to hide these yarn purchases when taken home (or at least blend them into the existing stash), and when asked by significant other if the yarn is new, the reply is "I've had it for a while."
Author Unknown
posted by Terri | 8:08 AM
5 Comments:
I KNEW there was some higher force causing me to buy that stuff. Thank you for letting us know. Whew!!!
Where does one find old gas masks? Not that it would make a difference! Hello, my name is Susan and I'm a knitter...
now that's too cute for words.
What a relief to know that it's real and not just in MY head!!Thank you so much for all your research on this "condition". Have you thought about turning this into a thesis.....?
Anita - Dang it - that would be a great thesis. Alas, mine is on a retirement status from work.
Terri
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